The website wasn’t down Friday night, the author was! Corey and I enjoyed a quiet evening. It was movie night and a great way to end a long week. I left the hospital late and by the time I returned home, I had no words left.
We had a nice day today. Corey did well in therapy. She was on the bolster and stood 3x for 5 mins each time. She had a girlfriend come to visit and we closed the evening with a shower and some girl time.
A “new mom” approached me filled with questions. She asked about our experience, how long we’ve been at Bryn Mawr, what we’re doing to get our home ready and what we’re going to do when we get home? We talked at length about her son’s progress as well as Corey’s.
Our conversation caused me to reflect on the last 6 months. I truly examined how I felt “in the beginning” and what I’m feeling now as we prepare for our next phase of recovery. I find myself uneasy and insecure. You must be thinking, ‘now she’s uneasy and insecure’? The first step was getting through the accident and the ICU. Step 2 was moving to the rehab hospital. Each step there were trusted professionals to guide us, answer questions and depend on if something were to go wrong. In many ways I feel like I did when I was about to come home after having JohnPaul. Holy Cow…now I’m in charge, I’m responsible for this person! Same emotions, but with a serious medical twist!
We’ve come so far since 10/2, yet as I look at the other young patients on our floor, we are no where near their progress. Currently, there are 6 young patients on our wing between 18 to 22 (Corey being the youngest) We have been here the longest. I realize that each traumatic brain injury is unique and can’t be compared to another. I am very happy for these young men and woman, especially for their families; but it’s only natural to look around at these kids that came in after us and are making tremendous gains and wonder why isn’t Corey making the same progress?
There is a part of me that knows why. Her accident caused the most severe brain trauma that someone could receive yet still survive. It’s not until I look around and see the other patients progress that her injury becomes real to me. That’s when the other side of me jumps in. The side that doesn’t look at the severity and only looks at the possibilities. The side of me that kicks into the woman with the rose colored glasses and super woman cloak that is lined with pockets filled with encouraging notes to pull out when the evil villains “doubt, anger, resentment, worry and fear” show up.
My new friend and I spoke about how to look through those rose colored glasses. I shared with her the trick that’s been working for me. All day long, think and say things to yourself that are positive. We chose what thoughts and words we’ll hear. Make them positive, uplifting and encouraging. If you can’t find them within yourself, seek them from other sources, but don’t stop until you hear the one phrase that will be that day’s message. When you catch yourself mentally beating up on yourself, decide to stop the destructive behavior right then and there. Instead, give yourself a few words of real, sincere encouragement and notice how much more energized you immediately feel. If you can’t speak the words yourself…find someone you trust and love and let them share that moment with you. Stay in today. Look for the good in today. You can deal with tomorrow when it arrives and guess what…it will be your new “Today”!
Corey today was a good day. It seems as if a switch has turned on for you. You are initiating new movements. It surprises me each time and I find myself staring at you to watch what you must be thinking and processing. Then the motion occurs and I see what you’re working on. I watch how much energy it takes for you to complete a task. You might take a rest during the process but then the motion continues until you’ve met your objective. I’m so proud of you! You encourage me. I’ll keep those glasses and cloak on because you’re still rolling forward in your super woman chair. Thank You sweetie! I love you, happy dreams. xoxo