The last week has been really tough for us. As we mentioned last night, Corey’s physical fractures have healed. The fractures have never been our concern (except for the neck). Fractures are easy, we know they heal. The medical world can tell us how long it will take based on factual data. The brain doesn’t work that way. Each day we look for any little sign that her brain injury is healing, hoping she will show signs of cognitive responsiveness in order for her to be functional and live her life. No one can tell us how long or if ever this will happen, or to what extent?
Monday, Corey arrived back to the rehab. This week we haven’t seen her react in the same ways as she did before we left for Christiana. We know that there is a recovery period from the surgery, but her initial recovery signs gave us what felt like false hope. Our expectations were for her to build on her becoming more alert, aware and responsive. We didn’t want to “say it out loud” but this week felt like a set back.
We’ve been processing this reality. Acceptance of this reality and balancing Hope is more difficult than words can express. I was reminded to pray for GRACE – Gently Releasing All Conscious Expectations. Again, that is a lot easier said than done!
I want to share with you what happened this weekend.
We all are having difficult times of the day as we cope with this. For me, the mornings are the most difficult. I have moved out of the little dorm room and I’ve been staying at a girlfriends house. In “my room” there is a wonderful queen size bed with a picture resting above the headboard. Saturday morning I awoke and was very upset. I was talking to God and basically having a “pity party”. Just as I was getting angry, the picture fell on my head! My girlfriend heard it from her room and called to me to ask if I was okay? I called out to her, “God just hit me over the head with a picture to tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself; that things could be worse”! Needless to say, we both had a good laugh.
I can’t tell you how often I talk to God and get what I call “God Winks” as a response. Let me explain. The flare was sent up Saturday night in the post. Today, Corey had a good day. She was scheduled for 3 hours of PT/OT. This is a VERY LONG DAY for her physically.
In each session, she responded to the therapists. They asked her to move her eyes to the left and she did. (She hasn’t done that since last Friday). They asked her to move her head to the left and she did. She was asked to respond with “Long Blinks” on command and she did Two Separate Times! One therapist commented that today was “the most consistent” that she’s seen Corey in a long time. GOD’S WINK…I asked you all to pray for consistency and those very words were spoken today!
We will Gently Release Any Conscious Expectation for tomorrow. Although we are not close to this roller coaster ride being over we’ll celebrate today! Thank you for praying for us. Right now, we need your prayers to direct and sustain us. Thank you GOD for letting me know You’re listening when I can’t hear You. Thank You for helping us keep our hearts open to listen and our eyes open to see Your signs. PS – I’m keeping aspirin in my handbag for the next time you want to drop something on my head!
Corey you were amazing today! I watched you work so hard. Your heart rate was elevated and your blood pressure was high but you never gave up! You stayed awake and continued to work. You showed everyone in that gym that you were listening and could do what you were asked to do. It takes such a long time and such effort to move those eyes but YOU DID IT! We are so proud of you honey. Thank you for showing us your strength today. Thank you for strengthening us today! xoxo