My mother asked me if I wanted to hijack the page tonight. When I asked her what I should write about she replied, “Anything you want.” A bold move on her part however she provided me with an opportunity to finally announce to you my plan for the future. I have been diligently putting together some fundraising ideas that I think will gain media attention. After such a break through with the Fox News special, I decided we need to keep this momentum in full motion. Here are a few of my ideas as the new head of Public Relations and Marketing:
The Become a Successful Actor Plan: send out the videos we’ve made and posted on Youtube to all major production companies. Suggest they watch Corey’s breakthrough film debut in “Defying Gravity”. Also mention her accomplished stage career she achieved after playing the role of Munchkin #7 in Avon Grove High School’s production of The Wizard of Oz. Breathtaking.
The Steal Someone’s Identity and Blackmail Them Plan: Target has not yet been acquired. Please send personal messages if you are interested and need more information. Please include first and last name, address, social security number, credit card information, and name of your first pet.
The One Hit Wonder Plan: Write family friendly hit pop song. Song must be playable at birthdays, christenings, family gatherings, weddings, funerals, and bat mitzvahs/bar mitzvahs to maximize royalities/fame.
The Change All of the Words in Existing Hit Song After Failing to Write Own Song Plan: still looking for lyricist. Position requires talented young songwriter who isn’t afriad of listening to Celine Dion on repeat or possible jail time resulting from copyright infringement.
The Hack Google and Replace All Advertising with Corey Propaganda Plan: In need of accomplished computer hacker. Need person(s)* with intimate knowledge of the inner workings of the interwebs.
The Invent Something Really Important Plan: Something life changing or earth shattering. If prototype fails to do this for selected test audience, the back up plan The Invent Something to Sell on Late Night Infomercials Plan will be brought into immediate action.
If you are interested in helping with any or all of these fundraising adventures please contact us and let us know.
Thank you for your help.
And don’t worry, Mom will be back tomorrow.
*not Al Gore.