Corey began her day at 4am unable to fall back asleep prior to our departure time for the gym. The hour ride to Bryn Mawr is mixed with defiance that she does not want to go, along with screaming “you can’t make me”; interjected with moments of laughter as I introduce car games as a distraction. Today’s game; “If you could…” for example, I give Corey two choices; If you could have a super power, would you rather fly or read minds? (She wanted to fly)
When that game is over we play “Where is Caitlin and JohnPaul”? Corey repeatedly asks me where the kids are and I come up with one ridiculous answer after another; for example, “Caitlin is at the Crayola crayon factory inventing a new color”, “JohnPaul is skydiving”. I personally challenge myself not to repeat my answers! This works for a limited period of time. Corey laughs and then gets very serious stating, “NO, where are they really”?
I think the most difficult part of this stage is fighting the mental exhaustion of answering the same questions repeatedly within the framework of one minute let alone all day, as well as staying calm when Corey abruptly reacts to whatever trigger presents itself.
Today was a minute by minute day. Days like today you hold your breathe, don’t give in and hope you can make it through each session. Corey fought every coach. There were times she fought me. By days end we are both exhausted. The goal was to get through the day so Corey could go see Caitlin. 4pm we were heading home and Corey had no memory of being at the gym. This was a valuable lesson for me. I could have gotten upset, fought with Corey and/or taken her angry words and actions personally but it would have been a waste of my energy…she has no memory of the day, what she said, who she saw nor have an understanding of why I would be tired or upset. This is part of the awakening process.
My focus on a day like today is detachment and patience. I cannot exhaust myself by fighting against Corey, especially since she truly doesn’t understand what she’s fighting for or against either. Focus, take a deep breath and repeat; “This is Temporary”….xoxo