The last few weeks have been very trying and tiring. There are days the path we’re traveling is newly paved; straight forward, smooth and provides a beautiful view of what’s ahead. Other days we hit a speed bump, the road turns sandy, we’ve fishtailed but can recover. Then there are the days we ride on gravel, finding every pot hole, lose sight of the horizon and can only see that the road has blind turns causing anxiety about what’s coming around the next corner. Truthfully, on any given day, the descriptions above can occur minute to minute.
Corey has had a tough, tough week. In addition to 2 migraines, her short term memory and stranger anxiety has ignited sudden volatile outbursts that have left their mark on my arms and legs. Corey’s lashes are not intentional. They are part of the awakening process. Once she releases her anxiety, she has no memory of the action or the cause.
Intellectually I understand the clinical definition and phases of TBI…as a new nurse, mom, and the rare moments I can be Marie, I get frustrated. There are days I want to say “I quit”. When I hit a low, I look to Corey and she picks me up. There are days Corey hits her low and literally says, “When can I stop doing this”. That’s when I pick her up.
I couldn’t journal this week. I had to step back to process our frustration. The frustration happens when things are not the way we want them to be, often due to our memories of the past. We want to make today better based on what we used to be able to do in the past.
The past has nothing to do with the future. It doesn’t matter where we’ve been its where we’re going that is important.
Corey it’s tempting to give up. Giving up is certainly easier than walking forward, but what would have happened if we gave up last year instead of today? Look at what you have achieved this year, this month or this week!
You surprised us with a new 1st. Bottle tops! There was a bin of assorted bottles; Gaterade, Advil (with the child proof cap), spice bottles, toothpaste, lotions etc. You reached into the bin with your right hand, pulled out a bottle, instinctually opened your left hand to hold the bottle, grasped it with your left, looked at me stating, “righty tighty ~ lefty lucy” and turned the bottle top to remove the cap.
To reseal the bottle, you problem solved by holding the cap in your left hand and spinning the bottle to the right with your right hand. Ingenious! You problem solved and adapted to your current ability.
When you chose the Advil bottle I must say, I was nervous for you. I didn’t want you to hit a frustration level and get angry with yourself. I reminded you to pinch the indentations as you applied pressure to spin the cap to the left. You held the bottle with your left hand. You intently concentrated on the cap and the position of your fingers. My hand nervously jerked back and forth wanting to assist yet wanting you to succeed independently. 4 minutes passed. I was prepared to console you with positive affirmations as I waited for you to get frustrated, lose your temper and give up; when suddenly you successfully turned the cap. You looked at me with wide eyes and a huge smile, “Tah Dah”.
Corey you taught me a valuable lesson ~ “I have to be patient”. If we give you the time you need you can successfully do whatever you set out to do.
After watching you open a child proof cap, Quitting is simply NOT an option! ~ Never give up and Never give in, it’s a Matter of Time, xoxo