I was going to write a post for all the caregiver’s out there but decided that today’s “day from hell” could be anyone’s day.
I am in the middle of 3 appeals with Medicaid for Corey. I can’t give details yet, but I spent the week stealing moments to call Doctor’s, nursing agencies and writing letters to collect enough documentation that will be submitted to substantiate our claim. When I completed this morning’s 2 hour argument with Medicaid I left for a battle at the Social Security office for her.
After the hour commute and hour wait in the congested lobby they finally called my number. I was so proud of myself for calling Wednesday to ask what papers were required for my visit. It turns out that the copy of my Guardian papers assigned by the court (required to be able to speak about Corey’s case) actually needed to be a copy of the ORIGINAL with the raised seal. The agent refused to discuss our issue and sent me on my way suggesting I could always run to the court house for the seal on the Xerox copy I brought with me…but they would be closing shortly so I should probably come back next week. SERIOUSLY!!!!
That did it. You all have been wondering when I would snap…well, it was today! I headed home barely able to see through the tears.
The following is advice for a bad day…
We have a 27 mile stretch of Route 1 that is public highway. I headed south with the volume of the local classic rock station turned up as high as the radio could go. I screamed, cried, repeated every superlative I ever heard and I’m pretty sure I created a few new words! I pounded my hand on the wheel and the dash keeping time with the beat of the base hoping to beat out the rage that was exploding from within me. The lock to Pandora’s box fell off and the lid burst open.
I traveled the 27 miles, exited in Maryland, then returned north back to PA. When I reached the end of the highway, I began another lap south. I clocked close to 200 miles and never turned down the radio.
I’m calling this car therapy! I cried, screamed and cursed as I talked to the clouds on the horizon. I know in my heart God has nothing to do with the human aspects of today, this week, last month or the last two years. I also know that He is big enough to handle my anger and baring the brunt of my screams. It was the humans that got me today…
This technique worked. I released every thought I could never say to another person and when I stopped to park the car I felt exhausted but calm. This weekend will be spent decompressing and resting to get back in the ring and start again next week.
To the humans that tried to swipe my legs out from underneath me and knock me down; it didn’t work…I managed to get back on my knees…by Monday I will have the strength to stand and walk forward again…count on it! xoxo