The ride to DC roundtrip was fine; the visit with Dr. G was very difficult.
Working through Corey’s anxiety is as exhausting as fighting our appeals. Fortunately, Dr. G has the expertise we have been searching for. Corey had several meltdowns today. At one point, Dr. G asked me to leave the room. So many emotions rushed through me as I sat in the hallway outside his office listening to Corey scream. I was unable to hold back the tears of fatigue. We are in the center of a new crossroad. Dr. G ended the session with a strategy we can practice this week. He also warned us, “it’s going to get harder before it gets easier”.
Corey was tired and quiet as we listened to the hum of the rush hour traffic on the way home. It was the white noise we both needed to release the stress of the day.
In the silence I was thinking of all of you. I tried to imagine myself following our story from an outsiders perspective. The physical accomplishments can be riveting, virtually watching the heroine, Corey, fight for the happy ending. Then there’s the details not highlighted and often overlooked. The day to day details of life after brain injury.
It’s not unusual and won’t come as a surprise to most of you, you only know what you know. I never heard of Traumatic Brain Injury before I was called to the ICU. I was familiar with concussions but never truly understood how a concussion can leave residual side affects, let alone what a severe injury can do to affect a survivor and their family. If we’ve never experienced caring for an elderly parent, a sick child, a personal illness or something as simple as a broken bone, why would we think of the complexities that face the person it affects or the affects on their family?
Friends would share the announcement of a life changing challenge and I would add them to my prayer list but until our experience I never realized the depth of what I should have been praying for…the day in, day out, minute to minute life they were dealing with.
Looking at our story from an outsiders perspective, I would wonder how do ‘they’ handle the moments that are unspoken? What are the moments that fill the spaces ‘between the lines’ of the message recorded day after day? What are the details of the heroine’s untold story?
Glancing at the driver of the car riding alongside of us, I wondered what their challenge was and how are they coping? Are they riding in silence or is their radio filling their space with the distraction they need to break the worry? Or are they searching for answers in the silence too?
Despite the rainy commute, the ride brought clarity; there are no answers. Our message and the strength to keep moving forward comes from within during the silent moments. My internal voice repeated, ‘be still, find comfort in the quiet, rest in the quiet’.
Corey, there’s a moment we all face when a challenge is presented. When that moment is presented, pause. Within that pause, you can decide to react or respond appropriately. Sometimes that pause gives you a moment to regroup and regain strength to take another step forward. Don’t be discouraged. Most times that pause is not easily recognized, but taking time to let the moment of silence speak to you can make the difference in choosing the direction to take on the crossroads you’re facing, xoxo