“I know God won’t give me more than I can handle, I just wish he didn’t trust me so much” ~ Mother Teresa
I will not be reading today’s entry to Corey tomorrow. We are in a very difficult phase. Last night I could not write due to emotional exhaustion. I almost couldn’t write tonight.
I remember watching the behavior of the patients on the Brain Injury unit from our room, thinking it was like a scene from the movie One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest. I watched the staff methodically care for each patient seemingly unaffected by the chaos that was spilling out from the patient rooms overflowing into the halls. I would close the door in a futile attempt to hide from our new reality. I wondered if Corey would ever show the same behavior and how difficult it must be on the families that had to learn to live with the “new person” they have always cared for. I would marvel at their patience. We are now members of the cast.
We don’t know what triggers Corey’s outbursts. She can be fine one minute and the next she’s screaming, kicking or hitting me, her therapists, nurses or herself. She’s starting to injure herself as her limbs are flailing as a result of greater physical strength.
Next week we will start filming her at home. We are hoping the video will help the Psychology team develop strategies that would diffuse the tantrums. In addition, Dr. Janet will begin to sit in on several sessions a week to observe a “typical” day with Corey.
On a typical day Corey can be 14, 16, 18 or 19. She is having a very difficult time with disorientation and short/long term memory loss. Long term is definitely stronger and more accurate. If Corey has a tantrum, her short term memory does not remember it. Therefore if she kicks her leg against a table, telling her not to repeat the action because she will injure herself is forgotten as soon as the period is on the sentence.
Corey does not remember the accident and can not understand why the house has been renovated or why JohnPaul and Caitlin aren’t coming home to sleep in their rooms. She can’t understand why she has to go to the gym three days a week. She insists she doesn’t need her coaches. She’s already strong and can walk, talk, eat and go upstairs. Denial is common during this stage.
I know that many of you keep all of us in your daily prayers. Tonight, and for the immediate future, I need to ask to please send your prayers and positive thoughts to me. My brother called today to see how we were. I told him I feel like I’m in a fox hole getting pelted from every angle. The shots are relentless. When there is a pause and it’s quite and seems safe to peak out, it’s only because the ammunition was being reloaded…and it begins again.
There are many close friends and family that help us. Corey’s girlfriends are wonderful visiting frequently but despite their presence, she won’t let me out of her line of sight. She’s terrified I will leave her.
Physically Corey is making great strides. Cognitively she is advancing. Emotionally she is struggling. Each category is better than it was a year ago! Today is just “one of those days”…let’s hope tomorrow is a little easier, xoxo