Friday I had the opportunity to meet Danny Bader, Inspirational Speaker and Author of ‘Back from Heavens Front Porch’. Our introduction was perfectly timed as it’s been increasingly difficult to sustain a positive perspective for our daily rituals. Danny wanted to learn about Corey’s story. The synopsis included the clinical and personal details spanning two years. His next question was familiar, “what’s the prognosis”? The answer usually deflates the recipient’s expectations rendering them helpless as to how they can be of help. Danny spoke with conviction, ‘She’s getting better’! I emphatically agreed with one interjection, “As she gets better it’s getting harder”.
I believe this is why our paths crossed. Our conversation was not just about Corey but what it takes to keep the human spirit in a positive space. How does anyone living with any life altering event develop perspective that will enable them to move through it, past it and most importantly, learn from it to prepare for whatever comes next? As my mother used to say, “It’s not the challenge you face but how you face the challenge”.
Danny is a survivor in his own rite. He generously shared more than what was captured within the pages of his book. ‘No one is UP all day, every day’. He continued, ‘You have to allow those times to happen’. ‘Every day is a good day that may have bad moments’. Our thoughts can manifest our emotions and create our reality. We both agreed.
This weekend had several tough moments. Corey was argumentative and defiant especially when it was time to walk or exercise with me. Her reality was skewed unaware that she had any physical limitations. One moment she doesn’t remember the accident insisting she doesn’t need any help and in the next she captures a moment of clarity becoming enraged by her limitations.
C – I don’t need help, I can do it myself!
Exasperated, I had to try something new. Stepping back 2 feet I challenged her.
M – Go ahead! GET UP! Stand up and walk to me.
Corey was taken aback. She looked at me and looked down at the chair. She leaned forward slightly; an instinctual motion. She looked up at me again; helplessness in her eyes yet her face didn’t show fear or panic. Quite aware of her limitations she quietly spoke,
C – I can’t do it
M – NOT YET but you will! Until you can do it yourself you still need help. This is why we need therapy. The therapists help you so you will be able to do it yourself.
As a caregiver, I have to find the inner strength to keep pushing Corey. Recently our day to day has been chipping away at my spirit. My conversation with Danny helped me regain my perspective; when you have no prognosis, no end point to your personal challenge that is when the real work begins in anyone’s recovery. When the moments cloud the hours and the hours fill the day that’s when we have to watch what our mind is telling our spirit. Negative thoughts are stronger than positive thoughts. Stop, take a pen to paper if needed, and write what we have accomplished. Our achievements must be in the forefront of our minds. If we say to ourselves I can’t ~ I don’t want to ~ but ~ why did this ~ does this or should this be happening ~ we perpetuate the negative stream of consciousness. Negativity is starving and will eat away at our inner strength to satiate its appetite.
Strength can only be maintained by surrounding ourselves with positive thoughts; surrounding ourselves with others that have that strength when we are weak and always seeking the positive word or words to bolster our fatigued spirit.
Ironically, the conversation Danny and I shared was reaffirmed by the writing of another favorite author ~ Ralph Marston’s entry for this weekend was perfectly timed as well, xoxo
Think the Best
Doubt is a thought you can let go of. Confidence is a thought you can choose to hold and to expand upon.
If you think something is too difficult or out of reach, your thoughts do indeed put it out of reach. Alternately, when you think you’re capable and deserving, you’ll find a way to make it happen.
Your thoughts most certainly do control you. Yet, before your thoughts control you, you have the opportunity to select and control them.
Your perspective is built upon the thoughts you most consistently choose. The most powerful perspective comes from the most positive thoughts.
Just because life is full of problems does not mean you must choose to be full of negative thoughts. Focus your thoughts not on where you and others have stumbled, but on the most positive, desirable way forward.
You always have a choice of what to think, so choose consistently to think the best of life. That puts you well on the way to making it happen.